Monday, December 17, 2012

Unscheduled Grief...

I had posts planned for today to tell you all about our adventures over the weekend. I wanted to tell you all about the fun things we did together as a family, with our child, in celebration of The Season. But the more I sit and think and hear news stories about the shootings on Friday, the more it just doesn't feel right to me.

So today, I think we'll take small break from talking about the silliness of my child, if only for today, so that we can remember the children who lost their lives on Friday. But more importantly, the part that I can't get out of my mind and my heart, is the loss that the mothers of those children are facing today. Their all-encompassing grief is something I can't begin to image and I won't belittle their realities by attempting to.

As a doula, I'm privileged to be a witness when life begins anew. I'm present in those first few moments after birth, and get to see the excitement and joy on new mothers' faces as they bring their children into the world. So maybe that's why it's especially hard for me to think about what these mothers have faced over the weekend, and will face for the rest of their lives.

As a Christian, I think it's easy for us to shout up to Heaven, "Why God? Why children?" Our amazing pastor this week used his sermon to emphasize the point that it's okay to grieve for this loss. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to question. We don't all have to be strong; because for those us who can't right now (myself included) we can draw on the strength of those who can and use it to bolster us up. He emphasized that the world unfortunately will not end because of this tragedy, just as it hasn't ended when previous events happened. We just are to take the joy where we can find it and grieve when we need to. But life well, it's just going to keep going on.

I saw this really fabulous quote from another minister this weekend on Facebook and I think it's really insightful because a lot of folks will question and want a place to put blame. She said:

In my role as a Christian minister, I have to speak up about the lie politicians and others are putting forth, that the CT shooting happened because "God has been removed from our schools." This is a dangerous, irresponsible, and and theologically immature statement. God is not found in the rules or activities sanctioned by a school, or the doctrines that make that an issue. God is in the hearts 
of human beings, children included. And praying to God will not in fact avert the tragedies of our world...we've all seen/experienced that tragedy happens inexplicably. God does not "allow" things to happen because we do not adhere to human-concocted doctrine and superstition. Where is God? God is grieving with us. But God is not smiting children because of the separation of church and state.

Regardless, you can be sure that this weekend, I have never held Beatrice Kate any tighter in her short life so far. She spent the better part of two days within arms reach- always. I took more notice of the little things that make her... her. The little curls in the back of her hair, her little chin dimple that's so much like Casey's, the way her hands fit perfectly into mine, the quiet smile she forms when she's thinking of something happy. These are the things that I hold so dear about being a mother- knowing this tiny human so much more, in more detail, than anyone, anytime ever will in her life.
And it's these moments, when I'm noticing additional things about my girl, in the months and years to come after Friday's shooting that I will send up a little prayer of compassion and strength for the mothers who will never snuggle their babies again.

Tomorrow I'll be participating in a Day of Silence with other blogs like ours in remembrance of the children and adults who lost their lives on Friday. I'd encourage you to do the same if you have a blog of your own. Go here to find out how you can participate or donate money to an organization who is providing grief counseling and other forms of support to the students, teachers and first responders at the school.


1 comment:

  1. I had not heard about the day of Silence, I will look into it and do the same. My heart breaks for those mothers. I truly CANNOT imagine the grief they must be going through.