Making the choice to become a birth doula has been a very easy decision for me in most ways. But in one area, it's turning me into an insomniac because of the anxiety it's causing... childcare while I'm away attending births
The thought of having to leave Beatrice Kate in the care of someone other than my husband or a grandparent or the occasional trustworthy family friend is killing me. Searching for someone who will fit our needs and isn't all "Hand that Rocks the Cradle" is pushing my anxiety and OCD to it's outer most limits.
As it turns out, finding a nanny isn't at all like finding a dog sitter.With the dogs, we just hired a college student who seemed stable enough not to steal our stuff and wasn't too drunk the night before for an early morning Let Out for the pups. With our kid, practically every person who responds to our ad seems like a pervert, or a child abuser, or a textaholic in hiding.
I really want to believe that the sweet girl who's majoring in child psychology and has fourteen years experience with four Gold Star references isn't some freak behind closed doors. But the truth is, I'm just having a hard time with the thought of Beatrice Kate being alone with anyone we don't really know.
I'm only half kidding about asking for a finger print, DNA swab and a full, intrusive and personal, background check on some of these girls. I wonder if the Federal Government does consulting work on the side...
Then add to that the fact that if I can't find a flexible, suitable in-home nanny option, I may be looking at a drop-in preschool. And well, all my Preemie Mamas know the fear that The P-Word strikes in our hearts. Preschool equals Germs equals Hospital for Former Preemies.
To a Preemie Mom, preschools are filled with kids that run around all day with snotty noses and hacking coughs. The ones that sneeze into their little germy hands and rub it on the toy kitchen that my kid is playing with...even the mental image is enough to make me pump out a few squirts of Anti-bacterial Gel now. Blah.
You see where I'm going...Prematurity and Attachment Parenting have coupled together to form a Ball of Crazy Worry for me and I'm just not sure what we're going to do. Maybe I can just sneak Bea into the labor and delivery rooms in my Doula Bag. I'm sure no one will notice the tantrum coming from behind the zipper, right?