Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Smelly Dog: Redux

We here in the Collins Family learn from our mistakes; and moving forward, we try not to repeat the same missteps. In this instance, we're talking about lessons learned from our last Dog Bath. And, when our dogs were (noticeably) stinky again and their nails were extra click-clacky, we seized the opportunity to make ourselves look like heroes and someone else look like the bad guys.

Case in point: The 2011 APS of Durham's Dog Wash. Originally slated for September but postponed due to Hurricane Irene, we were ticking down the days until our four-legged family members  received their quarterly hose-down.

At first, Arnold thought he had hit the Lucky Dog Jackpot and scored a leisurely stroll about town. He sauntered around with a little extra pep in his old-dog step:
Zippity-Doo-Dah. It's a great day for walk, huh Bea?

But soon, his crisp, fall day turned into a Hellish, water-filled nightmare and it took nearly every human available to get him into the bathing pool:
Wait. What the?!? Oh, Come ON! Please No. Please, God. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
And even more folks to keep him there:
Ok, Please. I'll do anything you want. No more peeing in the floor. No chewing. Just please, NOOOOO Bath!
Eventually, he surrendered and the bath time began:
Ok, so this is really going to happen, huh? Please, just get it over with quick. I could drown in here you know.
 At no point did the poor guy let up with the internal, Silent Pleas for help:
Mom, you could make this stop. Just say the words and it's all over. Right now. Please? Please, Mom!
Even Beatrice Kate felt bad for the guy:
Ooo. that looks rough buddy. Sucks to be you.
And she tried to offer up a little moral support, in the form of a cereal bar bite:
Maybe this will help? I dunno, it helps me get through tough times. Like grocery shopping.
But, he politely declined. He has a nervous stomach afterall. So, this guy took one for the team, and ate it for him:
Oh, are you offering free snacks? Yea, gimme it Baby. And then go stand over there. Away from me.
Speaking of The Little Big Stink; eventually, Arnold was freed from the Death Bath and it was Go Time for Round 2:
I am better than this.
See that face? It's only because his ego is hurt that she's holding the leash:
Way to kick a guy when he's down, Bea. Really.
For the most part, Cooper was a champion bath taker. In fact, he may have been confused and thought he was in a spa:
Ahhh, a little to left please. My ears have really been painin' me lately.
More than once, I think he almost fell asleep during his massage scrub:
Yea, that sciatic has really been acting up. Must be from all the hard work I do around the house.
Afterward, he enjoyed a pat down with a sun-warmed towel. Actually, on second thought, maybe he was at a spa, and we're the ones who got confused:
Sun-kissed Goodness. Check.
Nevermind. Arnold; who chose to forgo the towel because he had had enough of those evil Water Boardering Kidnappers and instead lick himself dry, and was sure to remind us that, yes indeed; we were at a Dog Wash and was he in his own personal form of Hell on Earth:
Don't touch me. EVER. AGAIN.
After his bath, Cooper wasted no time strutting around with his shiny, velvety coat:
O. Haaaaaaay Ladiesssss. Coop-Dawg In Da' House.
Meanwhile, it was Part 2 of the Torture Chamber for Arnold, who received a very-much-needed nail trim:
 Not the toes. Please, I need my toes. I'll talk. I'll tell ya' whatever you want to know. Just please not the toes.
Come on Buddy, they're not cutting your toes off too. Just a little off the tip of those long, hard nails:
Scarred for Life. Or at least, until he gets home.
Not so fast Cooper, you're up next:
Guys, this is not OK with me. Really. I'm all good on the nails.
Cooper didn't appreciate being held down by a stranger; so Daddy had to step-in. And once again, it was Spa Central, and he may have thought he were just in for a mani/pedi:
Well, now, maybe not. Yea, uh. I'll have the whirpool tub soak too.
Ahh, I think I'll just ...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Doggy Paradise.
I hope he went for the "Shellac" finish. I've been meaning to find out how well that stuff lasts:
Let's go with a nice fallish color on my toes and uh, maybe something fun and pink for my fingers.

Anyway, we've all recovered now. Well, Arnold is still refusing to leave the yard; but that's pretty typical. And Cooper? Well, he's already softened that post-bath glow with an even coat of top soil from the intricate series of holes he's dug out back.

*Sigh* There's always next Spring. Maybe we can find some neighborhood kid by then to do our Dirty Dog Deeds for us?

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