Thursday, September 15, 2011

Friday Confessionals: But maybe I could just ... stay?

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It's Friday! Let's take a collective sigh of relief that we've made it to the weekend. And... Breathe in. And, out. Ok, now that we're all nice and relaxed, it's time to become oversharers and 'fess up to a few things...

Like I mentioned on Wednesday, Casey and I are heading out of town this weekend for his brother's wedding. Fact: I am excited for this wedding. I love Casey's family, especially his brother Evan and his soon-to-be wife, Leah. Fact: I am very honored to be asked to attend their wedding. I think Leah will be a beautiful bride. But also fact: I cannot bare the thought of leaving Beatrice Kate for a multi-day trip.

To be fair, initially when they started planning this wedding, Bea was asked to be the flower girl. Unfortunately, a cranky, newly-walking toddler at Dinner Time is usually not a welcomed VIP at a blissful outdoor wedding. So, I called it off. Asked her to be excused from the wedding party and made arrangements for her to stay home.

Of course, we're not just leaving her to anybody. She'll be in the more-than-capable care of my father and step-mom, Granddaddy  and MiMi.They certainly know how to care for her and will surely spoil her rotten. I have no doubt that about 40 mins after my departure, she'll be all, "Mommy Who?".

But that's not to say that I won't be sobbing all the way to D.C. I may even freak out a few fellow flyers with my impending Water Works. I'm just saying: It could get ridiculous.

My stomach has been in knots for weeks over this trip. I've planned, cleaned, organized and even written a "Busy Bea Bible" for my parents. Said "Bible" has everything you could ever want to know about Beatrice Kate. Her schedule, her food likes, dislikes, how she likes to be read to at night, be rocked to sleep, then gently laid on her side and kissed on the forehead before you leave the room.

This is the very first trip I've ever taken away from Bea. I honestly do not think that the proverbial apron strings will reach all the way to Virginia; not matter how much I want them to. I haven't ever not said "Goodnight" to her in person. And I am so torn up about having to do so this weekend.

The past week has been an emotional roller coaster around here. I haven't been able to think about anything other than this trip. I went to Target four times in the past three days because I couldn't remember my list. I have about two weeks worth of blog topics to post; but I couldn't make myself concentrate hard enough this week to type them out. I've even picked fights with my husband because I wanted something else to worry about other than leaving her.

I just keep trying to tell myself that I need a break. That three days away will be lovely. That Casey and I can use the time to reconnect and be romantic. But the truth is, I'm a mess. And call me a giant moron or an unloving, horrible daughter/sister-in-law for feeling this way; but I don't care.I honestly don't want to go this weekend. I want to stay home with my girl. Three days with Beatrice Kate in my life is three days too many.

So basically, my Friday Confessional is this: I'm a mothering addict and a terrible family member to my in-laws.

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What's your confessional this week?  Now it's your turn to come clean with just one measly way that your life is perfectly imperfect...

There are only two rules to this link-up:
1) Please odn't go confessing to anything majorly serious (like, oh, I don't know; a felony)
2) Be sure to link back to our blog and include the handy-dandy blog button at the top of the page (Just highlight the code, press Ctl+C, and copy into you "Edit HTML" tab)

**If you don't have a blog, but still want to participate, leave your confession in the Comments section below! And, even if you're not a mom or a homemaker, I'm sure there are still a few ways which your life isn't always hot dates and fancy dinners, right? Oh, please tell me that's the truth!



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