Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Montell Williams Style ...

Apparently, sleep talking is a family thing here at the Collins household. Over the past few weeks, Casey and I have noticed this a lot.

Beatrice Kate makes all kinds of noises in her sleep. It took me a while to be able to discern the difference from "Whahhh, I need you Mommy" from, "Whahh" and back to sleep. She does it frequently. I'll hear her make a short cry or coo and I have to stop myself from launching out of my seat to go and check on her. I've learned, the hard way, that giving her a few minutes after that initial outburst usually allows her to go back to sleep unassisted.

Sleep-talking however, is bigger than just our tiny daughter Casey and I are both frequent offenders.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but Casey is a very. heavy. sleeper. To the point that, if he's startled awake, it's like he's half-drunk. (Beatrice Kate is the same way, actually.) I'm actually worried that if something were to happen at our home during the middle of the night, Casey would be absolutely useless. Not because he's incapable of taking care of us or unable to protect us- but because it takes him a good 5-10 minutes to snap out of the sleep haze.

This was the case that two or three weeks ago. Beatrice Kate woke up in the middle of the night. Our usual routine is to give her a few minutes, see if she'll go back to sleep, and if not, Casey goes in to put her pacifier back in (We've also learned that when Mommy goes in; Beatrice Kate magically needs to nurse rightthatsecondomgrightnow).

Usually, I sleep with my phone charging right next to me so I can quickly see what time it is and know if she is really waking up or just needs her pacifier. That night, for whatever reason, it wasn't there. So I had to ask Casey what time it was (the alarm clock is on his side and he turns it around to face the bed, so the light doesn't bother him. Yes, he is a big baby about it.).

The exchange went like this:
Me: Casey, what time is it?
Casey: Snoozes and ignores me.
Me: Casey. Casey, what time is it?
Casey: Huh? What? Boiler number two.
Me: What? Casey. What. Time. Is. It?
Casey: I said, I have to go to check on the boilers. I have a meeting at number two.
Me: Growing incredibly irritated at him and shaking him violently. Casey. What are you talking about? Stop it and wake up. You're daughter is crying. Please just tell me what time it is so I know who needs to go get her.
Casey: Slowly coming into the present. What? What do you want? Oh, it's 4:30. Is Bea awake.
Me: Stomps off to get the baby.

You see, Casey works at Duke University as a steam/energy engineer. So, he spends his days inside of giant boiler rooms, measuring steam and energy use for the University's facilities. It was logical that a boiler was on his mind. However, in that moment, I just wanted to know what time it was.

I'm equally as guilty though. Saturday night was probably the most random, funniest example I've ever heard.
It went like this:
Me: Being shaken like awake like a ragdoll. Casey, stop it. What do you want?
Casey: What? What are you talking about? You need pain pills? And Montell Williams the talkshow host??
Me: Thinking this is clearly another of his sleep stupors.What are you talking about? Leave me alone and go back to sleep. Why did you wake me up, you jerk?
Casey: Huh? Whatever.

The next morning, however, I find out that there was more to the story. Apparently, it actually went down like this...
Me: In a fully-alert sitting position and tone of voice Casey, Casey. Wake-up.
Casey: What?
Me: Still tapping his leg waking him up. Look, we need to have a serious conversation about pain pills. Montell Williams Style.
Casey: What? Pain Pills? I'm confused. What are you talking about?
Me: Casey. Stop it... etc.

There was no logical reason for me to be dreaming about pain pills or even more ridiculous- Montell Williams. Yes, the talk show host.

I seemed fully awake. My eyes were open, I was sitting up. I WOKE HIM UP! I can see why he was so confused. When he finally shook me out of it, I was just as confused though. I thought for sure it was him who was sleep talking again.

What's even more puzzling though- What exactly is "Montell Williams Style"???????? We are still laughing hysterically at this. It's a thought that will probably never be recovered, and really, it's probably best that way.

1 comment:

  1. That is HILARIOUS! I don't think I talk in my sleep anymore, or well, I don't sleep with anyone right now, so I wouldn't know, but one time I had a friend over and woke her up in the middle of the night asking, "But who baptizes the preachers????" Hahahaha!! Sleep talking stories are always funny!