Monday, November 29, 2010

Can't see the Christmas forest...for the Tree

First off, let me just say that I've never been one for the over-commercialization of Christmas and all of the silliness that surrounds what's really an important holiday in the Christian calendar.  With that being said, I absolutely love the fact and am quite thankful that our house can hold this OBSCENELY large tree.





Seriously, this is the second year that we've had a real tree in this house (figuring that we might as well take advantage of tall ceilings), and it's been one of my favorite family experiences.  This thing is massive, and it's even more fun now that we have a tiny baby to place next to it for the ultimate in baby's first Christmas irony/juxtaposition.  After all, you could hide Beatrice Kate in any one of the boughs of this Fraser Fir and she'd be nice and cozy for a winter's nap.  For a closer look, let's go to the stat sheet:


Height: 11'-0'
Diameter of trunk: 5-3/4"
Base branch Diameter: 7'-8"
Base branch Circumference (calculated): 24'-1"
weight (est.): 102 lbs (see this article)
No. of needles: a boatload
Sap content: however much requires about a pint of turpentine to remove
Water requirements: more than a family of three drinks in a day




Apparently they grow 'em quite big on Booger Mountain.  This is a serious tree, folks.  The arboreal equivalent of an elk or moose head mounted on the wall like a big game trophy.  The guys on the lot laugh at you when you say, "I'll take that one," as if they're daring you to be so bold.  After all, they know what it took to wrangle this beast off of the mountain, and they're professionals.  They spent five to seven years grooming this exquisite Abies fraseri, and it's a formidable opponent.  Little would they expect from you, hauling it home on top of your Nissan Pathfinder, which is only slightly smaller than the tree itself, but you know you've got what it takes.  After all, you've got tree-hunting in your blood...

Wait, where was I?  Oh yes, the tree.  Once we got it home, we had to unload and erect this monster, which was easier than last year (mostly because Ashley wasn't pregnant).  It was then that we discovered that this tree stands taller and wider than last year's behemoth, barely fitting through the door and requiring me to take a little off the trunk at the bottom.  We re-arranged our (now dwarfed) furniture, we got the tree up straight, and we sat down to enjoy some cocoa.  After waiting a day for the branches to relax, we sat about decorating it.  We didn't really count, but the final tally is somewhere in the neighborhood of 800 lights, about sixty-five feet of ribbon, and more silver bells than what's attached to the tack of all eight of Santa Claus' reindeer.

Aside from the fact that having a bit of the outdoors in your living room, a Christmas tree just seems more fun now that we have a child.  It's amazingly beautiful to me to see that this tradition has carried all the way from old high Germany to the present day, and the sight of a tiny little girl next to all the greenery makes it all the more special.  As we Collins' prepare during Advent, we'll do so with a pleasant reminder that the gift of a child is all we could ever ask for.

1 comment:

  1. Now that is an amazing tree! I love Beatrice Kate's BabyLegs. On the topic of Christmas cards...ours went in the mail yesterday. I was so excited to send them out this year. I also had to search for some bargains. I found some free photo card codes at Sn@pfish and Shutt.erfly. Have a good day!

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